The Final – The Distance between me and my Destiny

June 2003, DAV

The PT teacher of the school asked me what sport I play. I, with a lot of confidence and pride said I played Kho-Kho and was the captain of my old School team.

He said “It was a girls game” without batting an eyelid. Little did he know that it wasn’t a girls game but a game that could win a girl.

At least, that is how it was in the place I came from..

---

June 2002, Chinmaya Vidyalaya

Why Kho-Kho?

Kho-Kho is not a game, Its an Emotion.
Kho-Kho is Grit, Kho-Kho is Pride, Kho-Kho is Glory,
Kho-Kho is where you can announce to the world that you belong.

The Kho-Kho field resembled the Colosseum. The fans support their team with all their hearts. We even had Musical beats with with empty water bottles. You prove on that field and you will be talked about in the entire school. What better feeling than getting a little extra attention from people who didn’t even know you existed.

But, That wasn’t the case with me. I was the youngest to have played Kho-Kho for the house team. I was a very quick learner and I became extremely good at it. Every Sports day, The House captain goes to the podium and collects the trophy. Every single time that happened, I used to dream of the moment I go up the stage, collect that coveted trophy and display it to all the people in the stadium.

As luck may have it, I was a part of the the winning team for 5 consecutive years under 5 different captains.
Winning became a habit and never did I ever think, that a team with me could lose a game of Kho-Kho.

It was my 6th year and this time, I was the Captain.

This was a tournament with 4 teams, where each team plays against the other 3 and top 2 play the finals. Our team was the strongest and I was the most experienced player among all the 48 players. We had won all our league matches with an innings to spare and had comfortably sealed our spot in the final. For people, who don’t know the game, We had scored more points in a single inning as compared to what the other team scored in two.

---

The Final – The distance between me and my destiny.

We were meeting the same team that had been humiliated by us in the first round and in fact, we felt the final was just a mere formality. It was a David and a Goliath Contest

Man proposes and God disposes. For all the rationalists, it is chaos theory.

My brother who was an alumnus and a Kho-Kho player himself, had come to watch the final.Instead of just watching, he offered to become the referee for the game and The PT teacher gladly agreed to the same and let him officiate the final. Conflict of Interest was a problem even at that time. The opponents were displeased thinking the decisions might work in our favour.

Kho-Kho is a game where every single person has to contribute. A performance from a single person can rarely win it for the team.
Every team had a weak link and we had one in the form of a guy who could never keep his legs within the line. Every time he was a given a Kho, he got up and placed his leg on the wrong side and got fouled by the referee who didn’t miss a single detail. We tried keeping him out of the game by not passing the chance to him. But the runners got a huge area to seek refuge and remained free. The time was running out and they were moving towards victory and we had to figure something out to stop them from winning.

Mr.Stuart Little, the pocket sized dynamo was so calm the he just crawled and danced with grace on the field. We tried every possible way to catch him but every time he stood near ‘that’ guy and fouled him out. He exploited it with all his might. He made us pay for our weakness. The hole in our ship just got bigger and bigger and the dreams of us winning the cup was moving farther and farther.

The final moments are still etched in my mind. Every person in my team was waiting for 1 extra second of time so that a miracle could happen. My teammates were in tears. I could see them crying and fighting .They had given everything they had and all they felt at that moment was helplessness.  The fouls made by one single person were killing the hopes  and beliefs of every other person in the team who had sweat their lives for this cup. Hope and Winning are the best of friends in sports. One goes, the other goes with it.

The final whistle blew, Our ship had sunk. I, the Captain had gone down with the ship. That victory which I had been dreaming for so many years was not mine. The dream of going to the stage and touching that trophy was never going to happen. I am not a Sachin or a Federer or a Di Caprio. Imagine if they had gone home without a World Cup or a French Open or an Oscar. I felt the same at the end of the day and I feel the same even today.

There were 3 things that took that trophy away from me.

1. My Brother for his good refereeing.
2. Mr.Stuart Little for his amazing gameplay.
3. The hole (Weakness) in our team and the fouls

If not for the 3rd, We would have won the game. I could describe this guy in detail and about every ******* thing that made us lose. ** *** *** ******* ******** . I could go on and on  with my description but I am just stopping with the above as a few more lines of stars wont make any sense to anyone but me.

---

June,2016

Its 14 Years .
The deep scar left by “You know who”has made me babble away at the middle of the night.

We have gone old, We have grown bald, We have great jobs, We are married, We have kids and We have memories that are strong enough to make us kids again. My life has been wonderful and If at all, I am given a chance to alter some event, it might be the final of 2002.

Everyone has a bucket list and so do I.  Winning the final of 2002 would be the only thing that would remain unticked while I move on.

The Certificate I never wanted

Ennu Ninte Moideen Biriyani

I am a proud Biryani lover and I go to every nook and corner of the city looking for a biriyani centre.
According to me, a good biriyani is one which can be eaten without any side dish, be it raitha or brinjal chutney.But the best biriyani is one which brings a smile on your face the moment you see it. This smile is so special that it doesn’t come from the heart, it comes from the stomach.

A few days back, While having biriyani at one of the joints, I was bragging about my love of biriyani to one of my friends and he asked me whether I had been to ‘Moideen Biriyani’ in ‘Pallavaram’. I had never heard of a place like that. It was a like a slap across my face to tell me that I am not the be all and end all of biriyani lovers.

I had a client meeting at Chromepet, a few kms away from Pallavaram. The moment the meeting was over, I remembered the slap on the face and decided to go to Moideen. As I reached Pallavaram, I called my friend for directions and he told me to ask anyone there and they would guide me. I asked at 3-4 places and to my surprise, everyone guided me to this place perfectly. I saw the board and there was a long queue outside that place. I really thought there was a Tasmac wine shop nearby and for the first time in my life, I saw a long queue for a plate of biriyani.

Guys… It wasn’t free biriyani to attract such a huge crowd. People had to buy tokens on the extreme right of the corridor and join the long queue.

If you remember the movie ‘Guna’, Kamal Hassan stands in a queue to get laddoos from his imaginary lover ‘Abirami’. Here, it was me smiling more and more as I was getting closer to the take away point.
We wait in Tirupati for 24 hours in a line and the moment we feel the chillness in the air, we know that we are nearing the sanctum. The moment idol is in front, everyone goes crazy, not knowing what to do or pray. By the time we realise we have reached the place, we are out of that place.

I knew my wait for 20 mins was coming to an end. I could feel the aroma of Moideen biriyani. Every second near the take away point was a war I had to wage with my stomach as it wasn’t ready to wait anymore. I saw a small room with 2 huge vessels filled with biriyani. I gave my token thinking that they would take some time and I can enjoy seeing the way they operated. They were so quick that by the time I could register how they were handling, I had my biriyani and was out of that place.

The moment I had the hot biriyani, it was like Rajni winning the first ticket for chinna thambi in the Movie ‘Mannan’. It was  happiness and jubilation.. I had a sense of victory and joy all over. I knew this was going to be one of the best biriyanis I have ever had.

This place had just 2 small rooms with slabs attached to walls. In one of those rooms, there were almost 20 people from varied backgrounds standing shoulder to shoulder . From torn lungis to Raymonds trousers. From the ones who own cars to the ones who walk their way. This biriyani brought everyone together. The divide something which most governments failed to reduce, was achieved by biriyani. People are the same in 2 places. One in front of god and other in front of food.

I stood among those people to eat my biriyani. The moment I tasted it, my eyes closed, I felt a sense of silence and peace in that crowded place and it was that moment of ecstasy and bliss which every biriyani lover yearns to experience. I had a packet of fried chicken to eat along with the biriyani. The taste was so good that I didn’t want to eat fried chicken and spoil the taste of something which was just amazing by itself. I gave away the fried chicken to a beggar and to see that smile was so gratifying.

For a person, who has tasted all kinds of biriyanis starting from Venu & thalapakkati in dindigul, Paradise and Bahar’s cafe in hyderabad, Star in Ambur, khaja in Vaniyambadi to thalapakkatu, Ameerunisa, Buhari, muniyandi vilas, aasife, Kalayana bhavan, Anjappar, Arasappar, Ponnusamys and many more in Chennai, this will go down as one of the best Biriyanis I have ever eaten.

A Tirupati Darshan for a pilgrim,
Chinna Thambi tickets for Rajni,
Abirami for Guna,
Moideen for Kanchanamala,
Moideen Biriyani for me….

Idhuvum Kadandhupogum
Maya

Jai hind ki sena

aye mere vatan ke logo                                   (O! the people of my country!)
zaraa aankh mein bhar lo paani                   (have some tears in your eyes)
jo shaheed hue hain unaki                              (those who have become martyrs)
zaraa yaad karo qurabani                               (remember their sacrifice)

Every time I listen to this beautiful song, tears roll out of my eyes and take me to that day which defined my life.

May 12, 1999

Army Quarters, Jammu

I could sense that he was desperate and passion to make love was running high. Any man would be that way when he meets his love after six long months of loneliness. I had a steamy shower and came out with lovely red dress to make his manhood run riot.

The clock stuck nine,

He sipped a pint of wine,

Then his lips pecked mine, and

I got what was mine.

He just pushed me to the bed and I could feel the warmth of his skin on mine. He conquered every inch of me with his moist lips and the terrain wasn’t too rough for the horse to gallop. We were on fire and the burning desire was just helping us travel higher and higher towards Venus. We reached the wild land of ecstasy, our lips met, our hearts spoke, and we cuddled there, breathing hard and before I could open my lips to ask for one more, phone rung frantically.

I felt cozy under the blanket and was listening to Abhi speaking

“Hello,

Sir,

leaving immediately Sir,

Okay Sir”.

Abhi came back slowly, sat by my side and before he could open his mouth, I asked him with great sense of sadness when he was supposed to leave and Abhi said “Abi Kargil jaana hai, Operation Vijay keliye(Need to leave to Kargil immediately for Operation Vijay)”.

The bags which he had brought that morning hadn’t been opened and he took those and left home at 11pm along with so many others in the quarters.

Once he had left, I was again forced to share my life with loneliness and the wait for a call from Abhi, was the only thing which was really worthy.

July 10, 1999

The news channels were wrecking my nerves about the intensity of the war and the casualties of the same. The absence of any news from Abhi was getting me tensed and pushing me into depression.

Finally, I got the call, the final call from Abhi

Abhi: Hey Pooja, situation is bad and couldn’t call

Pooja: Aap safe ho

Abhi: Yeah, I am fine and I have been assigned the capture of point 5140.

Pooja: Sambaalke (Careful). I am waiting for you

Abhi: Either I will come back after hoisting the Tricolour, or I will come back wrapped in it, but I will be back for sure dear. Love you.

July 24, 1999

The phone rang again for the final time in the army quarters at Jammu, to inform me that Lt.Abhimanyu had been wrapped and was being sent to our home at Delhi for the final rites. The news pulled the life out of me, shattered my heart and every time I tried to gather myself, I broke down. My crying got my neighbors to console me saying that it was a brave death and those ladies were bringing down the gods not to give them the same plight as mine.

I rushed to Delhi, bidding adieu to all those in the quarters who were by my side when Abhi was away.

I swam through all sorts of emotions when I travelled from Jammu to Delhi. I felt the great loss, the permanent void he had created, the deadly remorse, the pride that he had shouldered the nation and the love I would miss. We generally departed to meet and met to depart but this time, we departed to depart.

July 28, 1999

The fighting ceased on July 26, 1999 and India had succeeded in Operation Vijay. I was expecting Abhi would be brought in at any time and I had made up my mind not to break down when he was brought in with all honors and I did succeed in doing so till all the final rites were completed.

When I was left with the great memories, Captain Surya came near me, held my hands and told me “Your husband was a great son to this country. I went for his cover when he was severely wounded in his leg and told him thera biwi wait kartha hai(Your wife is waiting for you) and you need to leave the field. Abhi ne bola, sir, meri maa bhi (my mother India is waiting too). He fought like a warrior and when he was about to succeed the mission, his fate was decided the other way around. When he was sweating to death in his chaps and iron chest plate he said “Khush rahanaa desh ke pyaaro ab ham to safar karate hain” (Stay happy, beloved citizens of the country, now we start our journey)”.

I broke down with great pride of being the wife of Lt.Abhimanyu who laid down his life for India when I read the last page of his diary “Some goals are so worthy, it’s glorious even to fail”.

August 15, 1999

The pride I carried was acknowledged by the Indian government when Abhi was posthumously awarded the Param Vir Chakra (India’s highest gallantry award) and when I went to collect the award, it wasn’t me alone, I had Arjun in my womb, Abhi’s gift of love for me.

PS: The warriors had only one request, remember them.

Jai Hind

Maya

http://www.vannam.in/blog

http://www.vannam.in

Bapu- were you intelligent???

From,

Maya,

Chennai.

To,

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi,

Hell.

Dear Bapu,

Sorry Bapu for placing you at hell and referring you with such an unpleasant nick name. I know half the nation would have started looking for me after the disrespect I have shown to you. But I know that you would be patient as you had never reacted to such petty issues. You have been, you are and you shall be revered as the father of the nation but only a few including you and me know that you were a father of four pillars which crumbled without a puff of dust being displaced. All your sons were Gandhis but none of those Gandhis ruled the roost. Your generosity had no limits as your surname survived, survives and shall continue to do so in the modern political world whereas the historians are still searching for your descendants.

This was the moment which created a lot of anguish in me and made me call you an intelligent fool. You were intelligent in saving our mother from the British brothels but you were a fool in handing over our loving mother to the pimps of contemporary politics.

I feel really proud that you were instrumental in the upliftment of the outcaste and giving them the title of ‘Harijans’ but don’t hang me if I call you a dismal politician. The first thing on your agenda should have been to have a media channel in your name to telecast, all through the day, the lunch you had in a Dalits’s house portraying your interest on their welfare . Something which should have been constantly maintained by you was that you hated publicity and you didn’t know how your secret schedule got leaked to the media. This would have definitely ensured a great vote bank. For a long time, I felt Zee TV was your benami holding as most North Indians pronounced it as Gee TV. I shall take the blame partially but the major blame shall be on the general nomenclature system followed. (i.e.) is to have the first letter of the politician as the name of the channel (A, B, C, V, J, K and so on).

Your political career has not only brought about a loss for you and your family but also for your fellow men at Porbandar. If you had been like any of the present day politicians, you could have made Porbandar the capital of Gujarat and if you had tried harder, it could have even been named as the capital of India. You could have also brought about a few railway stations connecting few of the airports and sea ports in Porbandar. You missed out cheaply on playing the right cards at the right time. Sometimes, I felt whether you ever knew to hold those cards. I feel pity for the people of Porbandar as Information Technology is still a distant entity and if you had just moved your coins to the correct squares, the IT corridor would have proudly stood at Porbandar making it the It hub of India. If you had been like one among the current politicians, you wouldn’t have let Gujarat be a liquor free state and would have fought to make Gujarati a Classical Language (Semmozhi in Tamil).

You were a leader of the Indian national Congress but for no use as I have never heard buses being burnt. I am completely innocent about politics without destruction of public property. I am amazed that you never knew all these things.

I completely blame you for starting the Non-Cooperation Movement as this has been religiously followed by the opposition in the parliament till date. The purpose for which it was started by you has been forgotten but the concept is very strongly embedded, “Non-Cooperation”. The ‘Quit India Movement’ which raised eye brows all over the country during the time you started receives a lot of eye balls in the form of media coverage as the principle is still being followed with a slight alteration, that the word ‘India’ is being substituted with the state concerned. Politicians today have forgotten where they belong to.

I have been criticizing you all through, but I still feel a great sense of regret in not seeing any of your sons in the cabinet. I personally feel, you lost the golden egg yielding machine when you walked out of the Indian national Congress and never thought of starting a new party competing the INC.

Something which was common between you and the present day politicians was that both of you have been arrested for so many cases, you for civil and they for criminal. If you had had a few criminal cases under your belt, the ticket for contesting in the elections would have been a cake walk for you. Bapu, weren’t you a fool in following the good for nothing philosophy of ahimsa and giving us that rotten philosophy. Your philosophy made us lose a lot of blood, flesh and precious lives of fellow men. In return ahimsa gave us our land back and gave us something more too in addition, your assassination. If you had been an intelligent criminal, it would have been Nathuram calling ‘Hey ram’ and not you.

One last thing, If you had not struggled, The British would have controlled the delicate womb of our mother and deflowered her in front of the world. We would have had roads reflecting our faces, skyscrapers blotting the skies and emotions blotting our hearts but what you have left us, is an air free to breathe, a great culture to follow and a beautiful life to live.

Be proud Bapu for being revered as the Father of the Nation instead of being spat at, as a father of a few and a husband for many.

Love you Bapu

Ram Ram

Idhuvum Kadandhupogum

Maya

 

http://www.vannam.in/blog

http://www.vannam.in

It’s time to move on

When I was on board, I thought I had fled successfully and had escaped with great ease, but to my shock, the game wasn’t over yet. I had been captured yet again. I was being surrounded by a big battalion which was blocking  my eyes. Fate did have its role to play as Arjun (my son) was the commander of the battalion with a lovely firing order smiling at me. Didn’t know whether it was good luck or otherwise to see my son in front of me before the climax of an unworthy man.

I had always been a fighter and I was still looking for a flaw in their battle formation so as to find an escape route. The battalion had seen many like me and their formation was with greatest accuracy leaving no way of escape. The way things were taking place, I knew it was going to be curtains down in a short while. It left me no other option than to pray to my savior for an unknown portal to open and lend his divine hand so that I could be guided out from this band of soldiers.

Guilt is such a killing feeling which comes to you when it’s completely unwarranted. The guilt was taking me through an ideal life which I could have lived with my family leaving many happy and proud of my living. Thoughts were making me yearn for a day more to make things straight, and were pushing me to beg the commander to take back his firing orders and give me a second chance. I taught him, duty was the foremost and I knew he wouldn’t let my words go down the drain.

My life was just running like a reel in front of me and I could look at everyone who loved me. I was yearning to spend a few minutes with my granddaughter Pooja who was playing with her doll not knowing she wouldn’t see her dada (grand father) again. “I should have let go the clumsy burning finger which I held all through, when you asked me to hold your hands to raise and dance the ‘ring-a-ring-a roses’. I should have sang with you the ‘Jack and Jill’ instead of fetching a pail of beer for myself and tumbling before you. I was busy feeding myself with smoke and ecstasy, while you were yearning to sit on my lap thinking that I would feed you showing you the moon and telling you a story”.

I was still waiting for my savior, with my son walking around me with some kind of an object on his shoulder and saying something which I couldn’t understand as I have never been in this situation before. Arjun was a boon for Maya and myself. “If I had known earlier that I would be in such a state I am in today, I would have shared your joys and sorrows the way Maya did. I don’t blame you for the rift caused between us as it was me who made things go the wrong way. I have let you down in so many places and I know that you have never done that to me in front of others. You have made me proud in every way you could. My ego didn’t let me bow down to you and please forgive me for that. I should have enjoyed your success with you rather than enjoying your success with my friends drinking in the bar. I called everyone on my contact list to tell that you have succeeded, when you weren’t at home. I always wished good for you and have always thought that you should live your life better than I did. Only mistake was that I never did those things in front of you and expressed my true love for you. I am proud of you and I love you”.

My savior hadn’t come yet and when Arjun was behind me, I was struck by a pale figure standing in one corner wearing a white sari weeping louder with every step Arjun was taking around me. I have never seen her that way; she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. “Hey Maya, the memories of meeting you are still fresh on my mind. I still remember the day we met, you in that lovely blue sari and your hair flowing like a wave.That swept me off my feet for the first time in my life, I felt you were irresistible.Phew!!! What a day!!! An unforgettable one. I remember our first hug, the first kiss, the first gift, the first night and our first and only love for each other. Sorry da for not quitting smoking and spoiling my health and your life. You have always stood by me during thick and thin and I am really sorry for leaving you alone.”

I had put her loving soul to distress while I suffered from a burnt black lung affected by cancer and was now moving away to an unknown land.

“Maya, I loved you for what you were, with all I had and the love for you which is still burning in me, begs for a day more so that I can see you colourful again. Please Maya,let us bid adios on a better note,not a tearful one. I can’t leave you like this.Will miss you.”

I heard a bang, the pot Arjun was carrying on his shoulder had crashed onto the surface as he was done with three rounds of walking around me. While he was ready to set ablaze the wooden soldiers that surrounded me, my savior arrived. I saw that unknown portal open, with an outstretched hand to lead me and before I could request for a day more, my earthly body already on fire and I heard a patient voice telling me “It’s time to move on, my son”.

Idhuvum Kadandhupogum

Maya

Enjoy nature

http://www.vannam.in/blog

http://www.vannam.in